scarlet

Doing some more obsessive reflecting upon the recently reported final nail in the coffin of the drawn out  melodrama of  the boy, I have  come to realize that maybe our sex life was not really all that I built it up to be.  Don’t get me wrong. It was hot sex for sure.  In a relatively short time it evolved into a fairly demented submissive fantasy that I really wanted and needed to work out of my system. There were some good moments there but the real turn on was his willingness to totally dominate and objectify me .  Not a lot of tenderness or romance involved. Not that there is anything wrong with this kind of relationship. Obviously,  it hooked me pretty deep as he reeled me along and I gladly followed for a very long time. Problem was,  I mistook it for love.  Confused it with love. I wanted it to be love, but it was not.  It was” like” with a hefty dose of sexual chemistry.

But now there is a chance that the gentle boy I met recently ( not quite sure how to refer to him really.. it’s too speculative)  is one of the tender ones - again I say this quite tentatively. I’m in no hurry.  But I think he might be one of those who likes to talk without the bullshit, who likes to kiss deeply and sweetly and look into my eyes  as he pushes into me. Like he’s really there with me and it means something other than simply getting off. I know I am projecting, again fantasizing, but it’s a whisper that’s been tapping in my head for the past week.  A little kink is cool once in a while but real tenderness could be a nice change about now.  I think I will explore the situation a little further and get back to you. Best not to over-think it.  I’ll just proceed and see where it takes me. Like I said, I’m in no hurry.  So. Tomorrow really is another day.

NOTE:  I am writing this post at the reference desk where I am continually interrupted by small children looking for books. I’m trying not to act annoyed but don’t they know I”m blogging about my fucking sex life here??? Such cognitive dissonance……   it’s a little disconcerting. Thus,  the possible lackluster eroticism I was aiming for. Although I’m finding myself strangely aroused as I search the catalog for the latest in the Junie B. Moon series…..