This is why I wanted to be a librarian: to help people. To help. But I think most people nowdays view me as a bitter cynic – not a hopeful or helpful person. But then that one guy will walk in the library and break my heart into pieces and mend it at the same time. The old homeless smelly man who still has his dignity .. who tells me he’s “new to the library membership” and needs a library card and wants some random DVDs… and while I wonder how and where he will use the DVDs I still want to get him everything I can get for him because he still has his dignity and he asks so nicely despite his dirty clothes,  matted hair, swollen face.  He deserves whatever I can help him get. I have always felt that way about everyone. But lately I have forgotten that. I have become cold and tired and exhausted with public service. How can I remind myself ?

My heart is pure in so many ways and so poisoned in so many ways. It’s just what life does to you. I’m ready to start. Ready to be a real person. Finally. Most people reach this decision at a much younger age I suppose but I have to accept that I am on my own timetable. This is where I begin. And if you never begin you are lost.

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