So. It’s come to this. In a moment of rare sobriety I decided it was time to take action and put myself out there. On a singles’ site. But it’s The Stranger’s online site, the Lovelab. For those who don’t know The Stranger, it’s Seattle’s alternative weekly newspaper. I figured my chances of meeting like-minded lefties/hipsters would be better there than on the traditional dating sites. I’m not looking to hook up with anyone, just thought it would be fun to meet some new men and have a few people to hang out with that are closer to my own age. Most of the friends that I socialize with are in their 20’s – 30’s and I’ve been feeling like maybe I should expand my horizons. The man I would prefer to hang with has made it fairly clear he is not going to be that guy for me, so I decided to be proactive in finding someone who does want to hang with me. After all… I’m not so bad. Am I? I’m fairly attractive and hip for someone born before Kennedy was President. Aren’t I? C’mon folks, my self confidence (the speck that I had) has been jarred by this experience……

So here’s my ad. I didn’t want to invest a lot of effort and time. I mean if I look like I care too much that’s not cool right? And I had not one recent decent picture of myself to post. With those provisos in hand, I published. 2 days in and I’ve only had 2 “flirts”.. these are like little nudges. The first from a guy who is 5’6″ (!!!) and claims to be an actor.. his headline: “Stroke Hell’s Kitten Tenderly” (okay, that’s not bad actually) and here’s his picture. Judging by the hair on the chick, I’d say this one’s from the 80’s. Other pictures include one with a silver haired tranny. Pass!!!

The second “flirt from “Dark Lord Of.The.Sith Seeks Apprentice”… and it goes downhill from there. The post is the longest most boring and bizarre thing I’ve read in a while… here’s a nugget: “Whenever I can spare it, I love sharing food with crows. I also like feeding squirrels whenever I have some nuts and a glove. Due to having been bitten by one years ago, I never feed them without a glove. With the sole exception of a single neurotic feline that didn’t like males, cats and I have always gotten along real well.”

And then! (sounds of angels singing that heavenly chorus..ahhhh ahhhhaa aaa ahhhh)… there he was. My old boyfriend from about 13 years ago… I came across his ad during a search for men age 48-50 (as I was writing this post, no less.) Brad. Hot Brad….. cute then and cute now. Socially conscious, smart, literate, gainfully employed in an honorable profession Brad….. of course I e-mailed him but it doesn’t look like he checks his site very often. “last active within 3 months”…. oh well… I have other ways of tracking him down. I know where he lives. I know what library he goes to. Hmmm…. maybe Frozen Hell won’t be so bad after all……
I’m going to update this post as the tedium unfolds…..

UPDATE:  Then there was this guy, a lawyer supposedly. At least he responded to my e-mail. I simply suggested he get in touch. He responded. “Thanks for the e-mail. I don’t think we would be a good match. Good luck in your endeavors” or something like that. I suspect either (a) he’s hoping for hot younger chicks, or (b) he didn’t like my looks and/or profile… sigh…yawn…. Anthropoligical undertakings continue…….

UPDATE: Got a message from Brad: “Hi Marty, I’m sitting in an internet cafe in Bhuj, Gujarat, India. Too funny to hear from you now. I don’t think I’m gonna make it to the party.” (party I’m throwing next week)….. Hmm. India. He did give me his e-mail.

oh christ…… this will be too painful to continue…. let’s just say ZEBU52 sent a message today. Is his picture a joke? Flowing gray hair and beard  down to his waist to match. On the other hand, his e-mail was rather charming. Claims to be an attorney who does only poverty law and social causes. Right. Now let’s take a valium and pray to god that tomorrow at work will not be as bad as today. Sunday: I felt compelled to at least acknowledge the e-mail from Zebu52. “Thanks but no thanks – keep up the good fight. ” Other than making contact with Brad and getting some blog material, I’m pretty sure this is an exercise in futility.

Patrick Swayze lookalike chimes in: another “flirt”… sorry folks… it won’t go on forever. Promise. I want to run naked down the street screaming ……and not happily.

I hear they like mature women in France and Italy.  Arrivaderci!!! Adios! Aur Revoir !!!!