September 2008

Oh dear god…… makes me forced to publish my joke about Hilary Clinton that I came up with during the earlier fracas:

Hilary: “I met a mother of 4 adopted children who had just been told she is HIV positive, she lost her job and is struggling to keep a roof over the heads of these 4 formerly abused small children…..” (translation: my compassion is better than your compassion and i’ve met lots more suffering people than you have)

Hilary, later in the discussion after Obama threw out his “I met an elderly crippled veteran who was living in a box outside of a Jack in the Box”.. story:

“Barack, you know I have visited countless Iraq War veterans in our hospitals here in the US.. The last hero I met was a young man from Lemming, West Virginia, a young man only18 years old who had proudly served in the military in Iraq but who sadly lost all his limbs in a roadside bombing…. this young hero had no arms, no legs… and still….. with patriotism swelling inside of him… he was STILL able to salute me as I stood at his bedside. A true hero to the end, Barack. This is the type of young man I am going to support with everything I have to give”

OK.. time for another installment in the I LOVE BEING A LIBRARIAN saga (that’s Sherriff Andy Taylor’s girlfriend Helen Krump up there if you didn’t recognize her).  We have a patron who I have named Fart Man. He is in the library every day (for the past 10 years) and farting the whole time he is in here. It is totally disgusting. He lives very close to the library, so it’s not like he has to hang out in here all day spreading his farts around… he could do it at home before he comes in….. He is an old hippie who probably eats a lot of beans and subscribes to the notion that farting is healthy. “Free farters”, I call these types. I think one should fart if one feels the need, just not continuously and in public and when  not in the restroom. Fart Man started my day off on a bad note.

Next a lady came to the desk and asked me to tell a man who was using his laptop and talking on his cell phone to please stop talking on his cell phone because he’d been on for like an hour droning on about some business deal. Of course, I did ask him to take it outside because that’s what I’m supposed to do. He was not a reall asshat about it. But then, about 30 minutes later another patron, a male, came to the desk and asked me to ask THE SAME GUY to quit eating nuts in the library.  Of course, you’re not supposed to eat in the library but eating some nuts is not a real offense to me. I punted. I made my clerk go over and tell him to cease and desist on the nut chomping. I couldn’t face going over to him and correcting his behavior again… why? I’m a whimp I guess.

A funny question but highly relevant during Banned Books Week:  An older gentleman asked me if there was a list of books that were attempted to be banned by “Sister Sara”  !!!! See link in my blogroll.

Then, the highlight of my day, my week, my life (??) came in the door.  A guy who’s been flirting quite heavily with me for the past few weeks. And he’s pretty hot. And interesting. Artist, musician, oenophile, clothing designer, looks a lot like Lenny Kravitz, extremely self-confident. He is moving to California tomorrow. Of course. But he asked if we could get together tonight, his last night in town, and “make a memory”….  that is some crazy shit.  Crazy shit. I declined but told him I’d send him an imaginary memory in an e-mail soon.  I wonder where that would have gone if he wasn’t moving…  at least it bolstered my flailing, gasping, staggering self -esteem.   Oh how we love working in the library.

I’m a retard. Let’s get that straight up front. I am alone tonight. No daughter, no friends around. Today, I had to deal with a banking crisis of my own (i.e. over 400 bucks in overdraft fees and more stuff coming down the pike that would further compound my overdraft issues)…. thus, I sit on the couch with a valium in me and a bottle of red wine before me.

I am torn between watching the hugely enjoyable Rachel Maddow show, which is tonight all about the US financial crisis and she’s trying to explain it to me, and the other retards who can’t understand the enormity of it all. She is pretty good. She can break it down as best as anyone can for a fool such as I. Torn? Oh yes, torn between watching Rachel and watching Dancing With the Stars, which is the most mindless, stupid and useless thing ever invented for TV (okay, that title is up for grabs but this one’s in the top 10)……

And then I wonder. What difference does it make what I watch? I am as ineffective in one arena as in the other. I can only sit on my couch like a robot and just take it in, or turn off the tv and take more valium. Either way, my existence has no meaning in the world. I have a child I can try to help but even on that score, I feel totally ineffectual. The world is shaping her in a head to head, smack down competition with me. I don’t know which way to turn. Be more straight? More mainstream? Where does that lead? Be a mess like I am and just love her? Get my head on straight only to have it ripped off again by the madness of the world that is surrounding me? I seem a little negative tonight, you think?

I can be positive. It’s rare, but it can happen. Maybe tomorrow. For now I’m going to keep flipping the channels until I fall asleep on the couch.

Update: Wait…. wait!!!! Did I really miss the season premiere of Heroes while wallowing in my self pity? Or was it because someone came to visit and I lost track of the TV schedule? Damnit!!!! Damnit!!!! Now that’s some TV worth watching… maybe they’ll rerun it again soon……..

Mundane revelations. This post in mundane so if you’re expecting something cutting edge (pardon the pun) and all sexy, just move on. I’m just using this blog as therapy at the moment……

I rent an expensive (for me) tiny house that sits on a huge piece of property considering the size of the house. I am expected to keep the yard up, in addition to paying big rent, all utilities too. I have been pissed about this for some time. I bought a friggin 400 dollar lawnmower so I’d have battery power and no cord. It was dumb but someone said they’d split it with me but that hasn’t exactly panned out so I charged it and still owe the 400 bucks. Extravagant? Yes. But I wanted an easy lawn mower that didn’t involve that incessant pulling of the rip cord to get it going and gas, etc. And I’m stupid…. did I ever mention that? So here I am with a giant yard a big ass heavy battery powered lawnmower and hedges, bamboo, weeds, bushes I don’t know what to do with and all I do is sit around bitching about it all. Yesterday I decided rather than getting tanked on Chardonnay in the evening (which I have not been doing lately thanks to a kidney infection) I would get on the ladder, trim the giant Laurel bush tops, weed, cut down everything in sight. Because I don’t have a clue about when and how to prune but they expect me to do it …. well fuck it , I”m doing it.

My hands hurt so bad after 2 hours of doing this. I had hand muscle tremors all through today. My tiny little hands just aren’t used to this kind of manual labor. But I felt good. I felt like I had done something meditative and stress relieving.

After work tonight I got out the mower and spent 2 sweaty hours mowing this HUGE lawn with a mower that is fairly heavy considering it carries a huge fucking battery to power it. ( think I mentioned that before) … I wore a tiny little tank top and a cute pink bra I bought last night and my black capris. I’m no pinup model by any means but I still thought maybe the old man next door was watching me and enjoying my ample breasts (that’s how they used to say it in the olden days,kids – “ample” – ) and the sweat running down my body as my librarian glasses kept slipping down my nose…… hot librarian mowing the lawn in her hot new pink flowered push up bra and tank top… let’s forget I’m about 15 lbs. overweight at the time. He’s 70 something….. according to the ladies of The View (bitches) my demographic is changing its expectations…… plus I think I’ve lost a few lbs. from not drinking this past week and also all the sweating in the yardwork.

At any rate. I am happy and pissed at the same time. I am happy to get out and meditate on life as I work my ass of and sweat off the pounds. I’m pissed I still have to pay so much rent and still not get any help with this yard. There seems to be a lesson here somewhere…… you think?

UPDATE: That is NOT my picture up there. It is sorta cool but those undies are tres tacky  if you ask me. The tat is cute though.

So Elisabeth records her caloric intake on her blog. My caloric intake yesterday was: One piece of flatbread with pesto and goat cheese, and one serving of frozen lasagna, and a gallon of chardonnay. And a valium.

And then a blonde Swedish model or soap star, can’t remember which he was or what he was, other than extremely hot, and my best girlfriend in my bed with a package of Minty Fresh green condoms. I’ll delete this post later, but it is a bit of a purging experience to just post it and have my confessional. Just when I think I’ve done it all……. I find something more to do. Isn’t that the beauty of life? Too bad I have to work today and sit here at the reference desk feeling like shit on a stick. I can only imagine how I look to the library public……… oh dear……

This is a 1938 Ferragamo sandal. Isn’t it amazing?  My day sucked. Really sucked. But this shoe is divine so I am going to sit here and admire it for a while. And wait for work to end and the chardonnay to open. 

There was one tiny bit of good news today in that I heard a pretty fantastic apartment with a view of Puget Sound might be opening up soon and it is CHEAP…. $450 a month less than I’m paying now…. maybe there is hope. 

In the meantime, I’m just going to enjoy the shoe.

Banned Books Week is coming up and I plan to make a display featuring a stunning picture of Mrs. Palin front and center. Maybe a mock-up of one of the ALA “READ” posters, with Palin holding a copy of something super racy, say The Catcher in the Rye or something, with “DON’T READ” as the poster header….. I don’t care what my manager says. OK, maybe I do. But I’m gonna try it. This story from Time magazine is interesting. This paragraph in particular:

Stein says that as mayor, Palin continued to inject religious beliefs into her policy at times. “She asked the library how she could go about banning books,” he says, because some voters thought they had inappropriate language in them. “The librarian was aghast.” That woman, Mary Ellen Baker, couldn’t be reached for comment, but news reports from the time show that Palin had threatened to fire Baker for not giving “full support” to the mayor.

Apparently the library director in question resigned in 1999. I’d be interested in knowing what information Mayor Palin was given on the process for challenging a book. OK. That’s all you’ll hear from me about this media darling. I just thank John McCain for being the dumbass that he is. The GOP is further derailing itself with this one. And while I am sad and worried for the Gulf Coast enduring another hurricane season, I thank Gustav for interrupting their big clusterfuck up in Minnesota too.

UPDATE: As if anyone actually reads this crap. The SPEECH caused me much stress.
the SPEECH made me argue with people I usually agree with. the SPEECH made me want to get a gun and go crazy on that beauty queen’s ass. But of course, we will go on. And endure. And take more medication. And move to Mexico. They won’t win, but the winner won’t be a winner and we will all lose. But that is defeatist. And that makes me bad. So I will go away and never say another word. NOT.

UPDATE: An interesting website here:

And here’s our favorite wingnut Michelle Malkin’s take on it all.  Hysterical Librarians…. love it….

That is , if I was Dick Cheney…. ahhhh….. my sucksessor…..break her in, so to speak……