girl

Nighttime. Silence. Lonely hum of tv in the background. Dog whining for food he can’t have. Head buzzing with plans, confusion, desire. Wishing for more but knowing what I have is more than enough. More than what the majority of the world has. Again, the old “misery is relative” cartoon popping up in my head. The pushcart with square wheels, the little cartoon figures straining, trying to get the cart  going…..

When I was about 6 or so my favorite song, or at least the song that made me feel most deeply moved and filled with a longing that I could not possibly identify at such a young age, was Deep Purple. The imagery and the music and the feeling that the song was written right there in my little bedroom just for me is indelibly etched in my mind. “when the deep purple falls… over sleepy garden walls……”  and I cant’ remember the words now. But the feelings. Loneliness. And longing. And perfect in the way it fit right into that empty space inside of me. Cicadas with their  riotous screaming  outside my bedroom window, attic fan knocking out its crazy rhythm, warm breeze blowing over me in my little bed.   Deep purple falling.

Alone and lonely and  moved by the intensity of the feeling…. finding it lovely in its own way.

Advertisements