bailouts


patchen3

If you give up and surrender then change can come into your life. I have to give up all of my beliefs, all of my concepts, and start over. Re-learn the world. Like a toddler, I will simply stumble around in a gleeful blissful state of not knowing anything. Because everything I have learned, everything I have believed in, everything I thought I knew has been wrong.  I believed I had a chance of  an increase in my hours at work. I believed that I might be making more money and be able to improve my living situation, I believed that things couldn’t get worse, I believed that I had a chance.  Well I’m not getting more hours at work, I’m not going to be making more money. In fact, I’ve even had an hour cut from my schedule. It’s just an hour, but still.  I believed that I could pull myself out of this hole of depression and madness. I believed that I was funny and attractive. I believed that I could carry off faking it a little longer.

It’s all off the table. I’m going to surrender. And I think surrendering to some form of god is the only thing left for me. I don’t know which form of god. But I have to give myself up to something bigger than myself. Let someone or something else take over for a while. Cleanse my mind, my soul, my body. Wipe the slate clean and start over. What am I talking about? I don’t know . I’m on the reference desk and slightly sedated with the help of some valium in order to make it through the day without a constant stream of tears running down my face. Crying is cleansing but it also wrecks your makeup and makes you look like a crazy person on the reference desk.  I bought some Lotto tickets.  I’m taking my dog to the rescue people next week. I’m going to have my paycheck garnished by several creditors. But in the end it’s only money. My daughter has relatives who can care for her if I cannot. We’ll just wait and see what happens.  I like valium.

evans35

So I’m driving to work today in a state of sheer panic over the overdrafts that are headed my way at the bank, again, after shelling out $380 for car repairs this week.  I’m listening to NPR.  A guy from Slate magazine is discussing good stocks for investment  now that Obama is in office. Obama has an I-Pod, so invest in Apple. Obama vacations in Hawaii, so surely people will be flocking to Hawaii to catch a glimpse of him and that hot bod in his swmsuit,  so invest in Hawaiian Airlines.  Target has a designer that is helping with some redecorating at the White House, so Target looks good too because we’re all going to want to have that Obama style aren’t we????  And last, but not least, there’s some company that runs gyms all over the country to which Obama has access for his frequent workouts.  Since folks  will surely want to hop on the treadmill next to the pres,  memberships are going to soar, so invest there too,  ladies and gents.

I just want enough money to cover my overdraft charges for the month. I never ever in my life had overdraft charges with any bank. Until the last few months where I figure I’ve paid close to 800 bucks or more in said charges.  I keep borrowing money from my ex-husband, who is not really my ex-husband yet because we’ve been too lazy to file the paperwork, so technically I’m still his legal liability if I go under…..  he has no money either since he works as a custodian and he’s about to drop dead from the hard work at age 59…..  but still he lends me money from the home equity line of credit he took out on the house. Yes, he got the house…  I got the crappy bunker style apartment…. long story……

Now pardon me – I have to go and invest all that money I don’t have in whatever operation breeds the dog that the Obamas choose for First Dog.  Or just start breeding them myself.  Puppy Mills for Obamaniacs !!!