Gays


 

Where DOES it all end? Obviously it ends after all is said and done. After the fat lady sings. When pigs fly, when hell freezes over, when you move into upper management, when you’re marinating in soil and worms, when you’ve moved into shart mode, the jig is up, the farm is bought, the hellish sensation that you’ve been there before sets in, tax season grasps you by the balls and nails you to the desktop, the seratonin uptake inhibitor is neither uptaking nor inhibiting, in fact you are exhibiting on the downbeat, and the symphony is playing on and on. You’re toast. You’re so yesterday. Your mold is showing, your eyes have seen the glory of the coming, you bet the farm and your dog died too. You’ve gone to the dirt archives. The cat is on the bed. You’ve put the smack down on it all, you eat the big one, you eat the little ones too, and then they eat you. Repeat.

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Think about it: the Q-Tip. The real, bona fide Q-Tip. What is it? 100 % pure cotton on a paper stick.  I was reading the Q-Tip package this morning. It was all I could handle reading this morning. The label claims Q-Tips have “more soft cotton at the tip* than any other swab”.  I was intruiged by the asterisk. 

*From the end of the stick to the top of the swab. But where is the end of the stick? Both ends have cotton on them.  And why was it necessary to define “tip”??? And there’s a little picture to illustrate where the “tip” is, in case you couldn’t figure it out. The tip of the Q-Tip is fairly glowing and a little dotted cap has been imposed over the tip just to make sure you can see where the tip is.

The label also states “VARIETY OF USES” in a rather bold, modern font, above the traditional “Q-tips ® Cotton Swabs” labeling that has comforted us for a lifetime.

Still intrigued by all I was learning while still on my first cup of coffee, I went on to explore the q-tips.com website. Whoa!!! Dude….. fascinating stuff. Especially the history of the Q-Tip.  Check it out.. there’s even a kooky 1950’s ad for viewing. Who knew the product was originally called Baby Gays and in 1926, the labels were changed to read Q-tips® Baby Gays.  Baby Gays??? WTF?? The Oxford English Dictionary has a very lengthy entry for the word “gay”.. many meanings there but nothing that makes sense in the context of “baby gays”…. at least not to me.  A nosegay is a small bouquet. Maybe it was a play on that … the “tip” (see illustration on packaging if you don’t know what a tip is) being the little bouquet of cotton.  God  – life is fascinating. Especially my life.