February 2008

I have some good girlfriends, mostly younger female friends. And for some reason they seem to think I know one goddamned thing about life. They’re going through divorces, frustrating singles life, etc. And it’s true…. I’ve been through all that. So I might be a good source of information about how it all goes…. BUT,,,, .but… but…. I still haven’t found any answers. I have not a clue. All I know is that (i could say here some homily but i won’t) …. all I know is that …. life continues to be an amazing thing.

I don’t know why we celebrate this day but I’m glad we do cause the library is closed and I have the day off. This is a momentous day in the tiny little world of this librarian. Having been the high bidder on the auction package titled “Mayor of West Seattle”, I garnered some questionable “prizes”. A couple of tickets to the local mini-theater, a once a month free mac n’ cheese at West 5 for a year (supposedly great mac n’ cheese but it makes me wanna barf), booking bands of my choice for one night at a local bar (they don’t pay the bands, I don’t know what the value of this prize really is….) and last but not least the famous mezzanine party at Mission Restaurant and Bar which will be tonight. The party was advertised as 50 cent “beverages” for up to 50 people for an afternoon. The “beverages” turned out to be PBR.  I don’t even drink beer. I was a little disappointed. (see below for the post-party recap)

But this is also a little anniversary of sorts for me and the so called “boyfriend” who I refer to that way for lack of the time and energy it would take to call him my friend with benefits. Because for a short period of time he actually was my boyfriend. Then there was the painful disentangling that was chronicled right here on this very blog. Now we’re into the “when you find the time” come over and screw me please phase.  And that works for the most part.  The fact that he is openly open to screwing other women is sometimes problematic. But if I had anyone else in my life I’d probably be doing the same. I finally realized I have not one fraction of what it takes to carry on a real relationship. I am lacking the genetic makeup, my psyche was trounced on at an early age, I’m selfish and self-centered. And a little more than crazy a lot of the time. So I should be just fine accepting that T4 is not to be the “one to watch ANTM with me” as he put it during our split.

I started this post before the party. It is now 2 days after the party and I’m still not recovered. It was a great time I must say. The “boyfriend” was only there for 30 minutes, having forgotten that he had to pick up his daughters although we had been talking about the party for what? 3 months or so? Anyway, he was also oblivious to the anniversary portion of the celebration, despite my having talked about that on more than one occasion as well….  but I was fine with it. There were tons of hot boys there, all waiting to do the Mayor’s bidding…. we had a private bar, big screen tv showing Project Runway, 4 excellent draft beers to choose from (just a buck for a pint!) and as Mayor, I got a decent chardonnay for a dollar a glass. A bottomless glass.  About 35 people showed up, we had runway walk-offs, food, a blast. The evening ended with some karaoke at the sleazy Chinese restaurant across the street and a sleepover at my house with TC, HC and a guy who I will not name in order to protect the innocent. Nobody felt very good the next morning but we were relieved that we did not engage in group sex as I was suggesting at about 1 a.m. just before we all passed out.

UPDATE ON THE PERSONAL AD: I took it down. I was obviously not going to get anything approaching normal out of that. I did make contact with Brad,  the old bf, but he is practicing Public Health in the remote villages of India and I don’t think he’ll be back anytime soon.

Blah, blah blahdie blaahhhhhhhh

They take their pleasure according to their nature, and so it is necessry to fall in with their habits. If one Kisses contrary to custom and local sentiment, it is an amusement which no longer has any meaning and becomes distressing, like the air from a fan to someone who is cold. The people of Lata country (Gujarat) also lick the labia of the vagina, the crotch, the underside of the arms and the pubis.

from the Complete Kama Sutra

Not sure about this little exercise but I’m always glad to share some Kama Sutra with you, T4.

WTF? I had a brilliant blog idea about 5 minutes ago and now i lost it…..  was it about the tv? the internet? the job? the elections? my rats? my desire for a cigarette? My inane insane thoughts???  Boys and pussy? Pussy and boys? Give me a minute… it will come back….

You do what you feel like doing sometimes. Sometimes you know what the hell you want to do. Sometimes you do things without realizing what you’re really doing. Sometimes you just totally fuck up. Sometime you gotta lie down …. really down..   and say this is what I am. 


Sometimes I just get sick of myself and want to curl up on a nice vagina couch. Thanks to List of the Day.

So. It’s come to this. In a moment of rare sobriety I decided it was time to take action and put myself out there. On a singles’ site. But it’s The Stranger’s online site, the Lovelab. For those who don’t know The Stranger, it’s Seattle’s alternative weekly newspaper. I figured my chances of meeting like-minded lefties/hipsters would be better there than on the traditional dating sites. I’m not looking to hook up with anyone, just thought it would be fun to meet some new men and have a few people to hang out with that are closer to my own age. Most of the friends that I socialize with are in their 20’s – 30’s and I’ve been feeling like maybe I should expand my horizons. The man I would prefer to hang with has made it fairly clear he is not going to be that guy for me, so I decided to be proactive in finding someone who does want to hang with me. After all… I’m not so bad. Am I? I’m fairly attractive and hip for someone born before Kennedy was President. Aren’t I? C’mon folks, my self confidence (the speck that I had) has been jarred by this experience……

So here’s my ad. I didn’t want to invest a lot of effort and time. I mean if I look like I care too much that’s not cool right? And I had not one recent decent picture of myself to post. With those provisos in hand, I published. 2 days in and I’ve only had 2 “flirts”.. these are like little nudges. The first from a guy who is 5’6″ (!!!) and claims to be an actor.. his headline: “Stroke Hell’s Kitten Tenderly” (okay, that’s not bad actually) and here’s his picture. Judging by the hair on the chick, I’d say this one’s from the 80’s. Other pictures include one with a silver haired tranny. Pass!!!

The second “flirt from “Dark Lord Of.The.Sith Seeks Apprentice”… and it goes downhill from there. The post is the longest most boring and bizarre thing I’ve read in a while… here’s a nugget: “Whenever I can spare it, I love sharing food with crows. I also like feeding squirrels whenever I have some nuts and a glove. Due to having been bitten by one years ago, I never feed them without a glove. With the sole exception of a single neurotic feline that didn’t like males, cats and I have always gotten along real well.”

And then! (sounds of angels singing that heavenly chorus..ahhhh ahhhhaa aaa ahhhh)… there he was. My old boyfriend from about 13 years ago… I came across his ad during a search for men age 48-50 (as I was writing this post, no less.) Brad. Hot Brad….. cute then and cute now. Socially conscious, smart, literate, gainfully employed in an honorable profession Brad….. of course I e-mailed him but it doesn’t look like he checks his site very often. “last active within 3 months”…. oh well… I have other ways of tracking him down. I know where he lives. I know what library he goes to. Hmmm…. maybe Frozen Hell won’t be so bad after all……
I’m going to update this post as the tedium unfolds…..

UPDATE:  Then there was this guy, a lawyer supposedly. At least he responded to my e-mail. I simply suggested he get in touch. He responded. “Thanks for the e-mail. I don’t think we would be a good match. Good luck in your endeavors” or something like that. I suspect either (a) he’s hoping for hot younger chicks, or (b) he didn’t like my looks and/or profile… sigh…yawn…. Anthropoligical undertakings continue…….

UPDATE: Got a message from Brad: “Hi Marty, I’m sitting in an internet cafe in Bhuj, Gujarat, India. Too funny to hear from you now. I don’t think I’m gonna make it to the party.” (party I’m throwing next week)….. Hmm. India. He did give me his e-mail.

oh christ…… this will be too painful to continue…. let’s just say ZEBU52 sent a message today. Is his picture a joke? Flowing gray hair and beard  down to his waist to match. On the other hand, his e-mail was rather charming. Claims to be an attorney who does only poverty law and social causes. Right. Now let’s take a valium and pray to god that tomorrow at work will not be as bad as today. Sunday: I felt compelled to at least acknowledge the e-mail from Zebu52. “Thanks but no thanks – keep up the good fight. ” Other than making contact with Brad and getting some blog material, I’m pretty sure this is an exercise in futility.

Patrick Swayze lookalike chimes in: another “flirt”… sorry folks… it won’t go on forever. Promise. I want to run naked down the street screaming ……and not happily.


I hear they like mature women in France and Italy.  Arrivaderci!!! Adios! Aur Revoir !!!!

Cover reads: Featuring stories from Top Idols from every season – Carrie Underwood, Jordin Sparks, Ruben Studdard, Clay Aiken, BLAKE LEWIS, and many more!

Someone track this Jack Canfield down and stop him…… NOW!!!!