I have a separate dream blog but the dream I just awoke from was so powerful and revealing I have to share here. Basically I was back in South Carolina at the beach with friends, old and new. Lifetime friends, a new man who was extremely hot and promising.. indeed the dream was sex filled and left me longing upon the several wakings I had during the night… I also woke up crying a couple of times. The South Carolina coast, Pawley’s Island, Litchfield Beach and Murrel’s Inlet in particular, are the most beautiful, peaceful and genteel places on earth. Right here in the old USA. I must admit I say that having never traveled outside the US other than to Canada and Mexico. At any rate, having grown up vacationing at  those ” elegantly shabby” beach towns I have a special place in my heart for them. Although development is continuously threatening to encroach, last time I checked (and it’s been a few years)  the beaches remained pretty under-developed and natural.  Clean sand, warm water in the summer, flat, rock free beaches. I mention rock free cause here in Washington the beaches are brutally unfriendly with their rocks, boulders and frigid waters. Pretty yes, but not meant for swimming or getting in to and having the sensual experience of being in the water, being with the water and the waves… at least not for this east coast native.

In my dream coastal towns of SC, the inlets have marsh grasses, crabs, fish, shrimp. Long docks out into the waterway where you can sit in the little gazebos at sunset and tie chicken necks to a long string, drop them in the water and come up with a crab dinner in about a half hour.  In the morning, take the shrimp nets and drag them through the more shallow waterways and have a fresh shrimp dinner after an afternoon of “heading” them in the shade of  a huge moss draped oak tree.  Take a jon boat to one of the small  inland waterway islets and sit in the silence with nothing but ocean birds and waves lapping at the pure white sand.  Get a hammock and a screened porch and have a cold beer at sunset.  It’s pretty much paradise as I recall.

But I digress. The dream was the usual combo platter of me looking for love, looking for a coffee cup and coffee, looking for a private place to shower (we were all staying in the large, luxurious but still a lovely kind of rustic beachfront house of my childhood friend Christina) and there I was  looking , looking, longing. At one point my friend Barb and I were in some public waterfront place , a marina perhaps, and looked out the window where a crowd had gathered to watch a spectacularly weird occurrence of a huge school of dolphins swimming in the canal out front while the Seattle Mariners and The Sounders where also doing some choreographed routine along the bank of the canal. The Mariners, the Sounders and Dolphins!!! All at once?? I had to have pictures, but had a hard time capturing the dolphins on camera, they were always just out of my lens view. Why a baseball team and soccer team from Seattle were in there,  I have no idea. I don’t even go to the games or consider myself a fan in any way .

Bottom line. The coast of SC is where I have always planned to retire. My life is currently at a crossroads. I woke up mumbling and crying “I have to go back. I have to go back.” As in, I have to leave Seattle and return to my home. I think I do.  This could be part of the alcohol free, new antidepressant, good night’s sleep cocktail I am enjoying, but I think not. I think my core psyche comes out when I’m not smacking it down nightly. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

Now I must start looking at how to realize the dream of heading to Pawley’s Island. The only thing I have in Seattle is a job (a hot commodity these days, I know), a few friends and a reputation. Stagnant. Inertia. Much work to do.


I will not talk about seeing the Jackson Five when I was 12 and one dad drove 6 of us to the one venue in Columbia SC that could handle such a crowd….. and how we screamed and laughed and cried and loved those black boys and how back in 1970 it wasn’t yet cool to love black boys (except on the vinyl) … and I took a classical piece I had learned for piano recital and added words to it and would play it over and over… “Tito, Michael, Jermaine, Jackie, Marlon ….. ” and then i forget the names= were there only really 5? seemed like more) “The Jackson Five is my favorite band forever” la, la, la………. all set to a white girl’s classical etude….

Thanks for the memories.


So the HDTV I bought has been calling to me to watch the local PBS channel for weeks. Last night my daughter and I watched Frontline (about the UN / World leaders non-response to Darfur/Chad) and also a fantastic NOVA show about a village in Africa where the spiritual leader brings in army ants to run off termites that are destroying the village. Wow! If you’ve never seen the Queen Termite up close and personal then you don’t know true horror. We were both screaming … and laughing.. Scarier than any horror flick I’ve ever seen. Anyway… there is some really interesting shit out there on tv if you look for it. Thank god our days of fucked up reality tv are (almost) over. Project Runway, ANTM and The Amazing Race (and The Office) are still on our list of watchables.  Speaking of Cognitive Dissonance, what led me to watch the second show was that I just couldn’t go from watching Frontline and seeing the misery of a country that no one cares about back to some mindless American escapism. 


Well, I’m sorry for the guy who died but props to the Rhesus monkeys for striking back finally.

“Part of the problem is that devout Hindus believe monkeys are manifestations of the monkey god Hanuman and feed them bananas and peanuts — encouraging them to frequent public places. ”

Well of course monkeys are manifestations of god, as are all living creatures. Man has no right to torture any animal for the sake of medical experimentation. If man wants subjects, real subjects with real human biology, then we should be using the child rapists in our prisons to experiment on. Those guys deserve it. The monkeys have done nothing.  Take the non-re-habitable sex offenders and put them to good use.  And yes, I truly believe that this would be morally preferable to using monkeys, rabbits, dogs, cats, pigs or whatever other innocent animals are currently held in the labs across the country.

UPDATE: And now this? Is the animal world increasing its attempts to tell us there’s something terribly wrong here on this planet???? Ya think?