When a man becomes an obsession… or – There and Back Again

I am once again revisiting  the eternal struggle to wash my brain of  the boy.  To find the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The ups and downs of  this relationship have been documented in this blog for a long time.  I am not clear on why I cannot get over him. It’s been 2.5 years of continuous and alternating pain and joy.  It’s like fucking Brokeback Mountain for heterosexuals.  We’ve gone from being sorta together (boy don’t do monogomy), to being totally cut off, to being fuckbuddies, to being homemade porn stars, and now back to crazytown.  He has a new fling. A freaking 26 year old. Not that hot, but obviously she’s got something he wants for now.  I am having fucking NIGHTMARES about it all. 

While the boy is charming and funny and smart, his life is a total trainwreck.  I should be glad to let someone else deal with his drama for a while.  Would I really want him if he was mine to have? Why am I so attached? So obsessed?  There is obviously a connection there that strikes a deep and primal chord in me. The only way I can explain it is that pain and drama are so heavily ingrained in my psychological makeup, that he is the perfect fit for that very self defeating, masochistic chink in my brain.  He fills a part of me that thrives on this stuff and it makes for a very powerful addiction.  Add to that:  I just love being around him. And the sex is perhaps the best I’ve ever had. The perfect trifecta for addiction. I feel like it is going to kill me. I cannot let that happen. What the hell?  I need electro shock therapy. I need to move to another country. I can’t believe I am back here again. I guess I never really left.  Writing about it is therapy for me. In which case, I should be doing a lot more writing……..

 

Mystery Solved: Massive Missing Librarian Found

Library officials on Monday located a Plus Size Librarian who had been missing for more than two hours after she was believed to be oversleeping or overdosing, or both, a top Library official said.

The Librian was located at her basement dwelling, in the bathroom, via cellphone, said Library Administrator Peavey Higenbotham. “The Librarian has been moved to our anti-social subversive employee holding area where she is sarcastically answering questions,” Higenbotham said.

The questioning aims to clarify all circumstances of how she disappeared and why she did not send any (emergency) signals or call her branch library to alert them of her whereabouts.

The Librarian, who often uses various aliases such as “Lefty” or “Cherry”, had not been heard from since Saturday.  When last seen she was carrying approximately 20 pounds of extra weight, several tons of excess baggage and a rather large, scabbous cold sore on her bottom lip and chin. 

She was scheduled to arrive in her branch library at 11:30 a.m. Monday morning. The news came from several bitchy employees who had immediately begun speculating that the Librarian was cavorting with a local Jamaican male, known for his propensity for late night showering. 

The U.S. military also had a report last week that the Librarian’s car  had been seen skirting the runway at McChord Air Force base south of Tacoma. She appeared disoriented and totally clueless that she was headed in the oppposite direction of Seattle where she was destined according to several sources. The U.S. military was not involved in the search.

The branch Manager, Helmut Schmidt, had previously spoken to the Librarian about her irratic behavior and ongoing acts of anarchy within the branch.  While he had considered placing her on suicide watch, he was waiting to see if her antidepressants would kick in at some point over the weekend.  

“The Librarian has now arrived at work, she is missing the majority of her hair and several bald spots are visible but she appears otherwise unharmed, unless you count the cold sore which persists and the strange rash that has appeared on her chest, just above her rather abundant cleavage. Disciplinary action could be forthcoming depending on the Librarian’s willingness to provide free blowjobs for management, once the cold sores and rashes clear up.

 

Just Another Day in Mayberry RFD

OK.. time for another installment in the I LOVE BEING A LIBRARIAN saga (that’s Sherriff Andy Taylor’s girlfriend Helen Krump up there if you didn’t recognize her).  We have a patron who I have named Fart Man. He is in the library every day (for the past 10 years) and farting the whole time he is in here. It is totally disgusting. He lives very close to the library, so it’s not like he has to hang out in here all day spreading his farts around… he could do it at home before he comes in….. He is an old hippie who probably eats a lot of beans and subscribes to the notion that farting is healthy. “Free farters”, I call these types. I think one should fart if one feels the need, just not continuously and in public and when  not in the restroom. Fart Man started my day off on a bad note.

Next a lady came to the desk and asked me to tell a man who was using his laptop and talking on his cell phone to please stop talking on his cell phone because he’d been on for like an hour droning on about some business deal. Of course, I did ask him to take it outside because that’s what I’m supposed to do. He was not a reall asshat about it. But then, about 30 minutes later another patron, a male, came to the desk and asked me to ask THE SAME GUY to quit eating nuts in the library.  Of course, you’re not supposed to eat in the library but eating some nuts is not a real offense to me. I punted. I made my clerk go over and tell him to cease and desist on the nut chomping. I couldn’t face going over to him and correcting his behavior again… why? I’m a whimp I guess.

A funny question but highly relevant during Banned Books Week:  An older gentleman asked me if there was a list of books that were attempted to be banned by “Sister Sara”  !!!! See link in my blogroll.

Then, the highlight of my day, my week, my life (??) came in the door.  A guy who’s been flirting quite heavily with me for the past few weeks. And he’s pretty hot. And interesting. Artist, musician, oenophile, clothing designer, looks a lot like Lenny Kravitz, extremely self-confident. He is moving to California tomorrow. Of course. But he asked if we could get together tonight, his last night in town, and “make a memory”….  that is some crazy shit.  Crazy shit. I declined but told him I’d send him an imaginary memory in an e-mail soon.  I wonder where that would have gone if he wasn’t moving…  at least it bolstered my flailing, gasping, staggering self -esteem.   Oh how we love working in the library.

 

Only the Names Were Changed to Protect The Innocent

So Elisabeth records her caloric intake on her blog. My caloric intake yesterday was: One piece of flatbread with pesto and goat cheese, and one serving of frozen lasagna, and a gallon of chardonnay. And a valium.

And then a blonde Swedish model or soap star, can’t remember which he was or what he was, other than extremely hot, and my best girlfriend in my bed with a package of Minty Fresh green condoms. I’ll delete this post later, but it is a bit of a purging experience to just post it and have my confessional. Just when I think I’ve done it all……. I find something more to do. Isn’t that the beauty of life? Too bad I have to work today and sit here at the reference desk feeling like shit on a stick. I can only imagine how I look to the library public……… oh dear……