The World’s Most Intense Library Patron

Blonde, meticulously groomed (maybe too well groomed… are those eyebrows shaved???) , see-through skin, maybe 40 years old ..who knows??? Disturbingly stocky, wound tight enough to cause strokes in innocent bystanders. Neat to the point of pin-ness where it makes you worry. He could totally be a paramilitary dude like the OK City bombers or something.. Paramilitary is all I can think about when I see him… A death stare boring a hole into my soul as he asks “can you help me?”…. um, yes I say as I wish I had taken that break when it was offered. ” I want to renew these books, I don’t have time to read them, I’m working all the time every day and night”…. okay, I’ve heard his story before about where he works, how he is so desperate for knowledge he wants to read every fucking book in the library on every fucking topic….. technically I could’ve sent him to the circ desk, but I want to get him in and out ASAP.

Then “just a quick question”….right… i can feel it coming…. ” I want information on NASA. I want maps of Cape Canaveral Florida. Lots of maps of Florida… all you got….”

Okay. Trying not to lose it……NASA????? That giant government agency with multiple divisions and locations??? Right. He just wants to know how to get a job with NASA…. ” not only researching pollution, fixing the carbon emissions problem and the O-Rings thing that made the shuttle explode, but also researching the evolution of life on this planet and how it could develop on other planets. Just the quick info on Research and Development in geology and also teleportation or something…. I mean you have to be serious about all of this..”

I’m into the 30 minute mark with this dude and decide to punt. I tell him I want to call downtown to the Central Library and see if they can maybe help pinpoint the exact departments he needs to call but he declines. I find a general number, finally, that is buried on the NASA Employment page but I have serious concerns that this will be a recorded message only saying “please visit our website at ….” And in retrospect I am wondering why this perfunctory answer did not suffice. I wanted him GONE.

CrazyMadReferenceRefuseToDie Thing kicked in and I kept going. I could go on about my torture but I won’t. In the end, I gave him a phone number for NASA and a Children’s book on Florida (which he loved because it goes right to the facts…. “straight in….. like you need to go straight in”)….. Remarkably, when I suggested he take some time on the NASA site and look at the different divisions and what they do, etc.. he says he doesn’t want to look at their website, he doesn’t like computers… Well then! NASA is the place for YOU my Luddite friend ( maybe if you were Laurie Anderson and have a tune to give them for their annual them song._) But even Laurie (and I post her name here with utmost admiration and love… she if the BEST) even Laurie knows about computers and the Internet….

But… after all day in the library, as we were helping another patron, he approaches the desk, eyes FULL-BORE, lazers into me….. and he asks…. softly… “can I have a Latte in here??” I’m caught off guard … huh???? “Can I bring a Latte in here?” Yes, I say…. and watch him leave (hoping it’s the last time he’ll come back here)…. and crack up laughing as I exchange the “JFC” eyeroll with my coworker….

 

Mothers

I am one. And I still have one. She’s 85 and still annoying to me on so many levels. But I do love her so I will call her and tell her. The best thing I can say about her today is that once upon a time she was a racist, a Bush supporter, and all that any southern conservative could be. She’s still conservative but this year she is supporting Obama. And she puts the smack down on any of her southern neighbors who grouse about a black man being president. I consider this a small miracle. So for that positive change, I say thanks mom.  BTW, check out my picture over at List of the Day.

http://listoftheday.blogspot.com/

 

24 Hours of Negative Thoughts

So my friend D., the former psychologist, told me of an exercise he used to give his patients. Keep a list of all negative thoughts for one day, 24 hours. And then come back. With that assignment, I hereby pull down my pants for the world:

I hate my voice, I sound like a baby

I’m a terrible listener, I just want to watch LOST, and I have to hang up the phone during a friendly conversation

I’m going to die

I’m wasting away

I have chin hairs which I can never catch altogether

I’m a terrible mother

I better stop putting one negative thought per line because this post will take up my entire alloted space on wordpress ..

seriously, one hour of negative thought about ME could be a 3 volume, micro font set

so does 24 hours of negative thoughts mean you have to record the negative thoughts that come to you in dreams? because if not, we are talking only 16 Hours of Negative Thoughts.

But I can easily list the negative thoughts that come in dreams. No problemo.

I’m an idiot talking to myself on the blog.

IT IS TEN SEVENTEEN PM AND I AM GOING TO STOP BUT I’LL RETURN WITH EVERY NEGATIVE THOUGHT BETWEEN NOW AND 5 PM MANANA.

I’ll never catch up on LOST because I’m too stoned to even watch it in real time

I’m too tired to be stoned

Stoned? What am I? From the 70’s???

Yes.

Okay, this is maddening …. MUST…… STOP…..

Jesus…. no wonder people gave up on this exercise…..  there’s no way.

 

Here’s a Book That Pisses Me Off

Life on the Refrigerator Door: Notes Between a Mother and Daughter, a Novel.

I picked this one up off the “New” books shelf.  The title intrigued me. But then, to my horror, I read a few pages and discovered that this “novel” (see how they included “a novel” in the title??) is merely a series of notes, some only a sentence per page, between a teenage daughter and her mother.  Mom is a busy doctor and teenage daughter is , well, a teenager.  Talk about a waste of paper…… this is the most contrived and silly thing I’ve seen in quite a while. This makes me want to write a book super bad….  who did this Alice Kuipers person pay to get a favorable review in Publishers Weekly?  Or who did she screw?

The mom gets cancer, of course !!!!, and dies.  Well we knew one of them would die, right??? There. I’ve ruined it for you in case you wanted to run out and get a copy to read during that 15 minute bus commute tomorrow.  During the course of the cancer treatment they still communicate only by refrigerator notes. Puking my breakfast up now. Ugh.  This shit is about a bazillion times worse than those Nicholas Sparks sentimental goo books…   My memoir MUST be written…… and then I will find someone at Publishers’ Weekly to screw.

 

In Which Our Heroine Realizes The Impact of Going Through A Presidential Election Without an Erection

I always made myself laugh with my little joke about there being nothing like going through a presidential election with a mate to really seal the relationship. Like rising above adversity together makes you a stronger couple. But this election I find I have no relationship in which to ride out the storm… I have only a pretend relationship. A lopsided, unbalanced and freakishly unstable pretend relationship. Like a stumbling, retarded, drooling, blind giant… with a huge erection…  tripping through the village causing hysteria among the sensory-assaulted village folk.   At times it really strikes me as to how delusional I am.  Still, it is more of a curiosity to me than a source of sadness or pain. And, not unlike dear Hillary, I am unwilling to just go away. I will not concede defeat. Now if only I had a couple of million to lend myself for some consolation.  Instead, I have only my keyboard and my pathos. This blog is like a tree falling in a forest…and it’s starting to make me sick, as have my many blogs before it.  When total saturation of said sickness is reached,  the blogs self destruct.  But again, I will refuse to admit defeat…. I will blog until I am puking up blood……  I will blog until somebody’s eyes bleed….  I will blog until they pry my cold rigamortified hands from the keyboard.  Take that, you  unyielding blogosphere…. hah !!!!

Currently reading “Colors Insulting to Nature” by Cintra Wilson.  Excellent.

From Publisher’s Weekly:

The dark Gen-X fairy tale follows the adventures of Liza Normal, a would-be starlet with far more ambition than looks or talent. Saddled with a frightening stage mother, Peppy, Liza—”not a girl ruled by the logic of self-preservation”—endures humiliation after humiliation as she acts in an unintentionally campy family musical, turns punk, dates a drug dealer and a washed-up boy band member, goes to rehab and tries unsuccessfully to make it big in Hollywood.

 

A Whole Lotta Lovin Going On

FOUR MORE YEARS !!!!!!! Thanks, Billary !!!

 

Genius

Our Question Point system received this comment today. Sheer genius.

i lost a half-hour of time this morning on the library internet computer(s) (at wallingford) due to your constantly malfunctioning microsoft network software. i would log on, see that i wasn’t going to get anywhere, and log off. i lost half an hour of my entitled time through this process. eventually i was able to get on, but saw that your system was now claiming that i only had 15 minutes left, when i KNOW i had a full 30 minutes! when i addressed the librarian at the northgate library about this this afternoon and requested either my entitled 30 minutes back, or at least the 15 minutes your system mysteriously took (stole) from my allotted hour, her response was, and i quote: “You use the computers at your own risk.” this is an extremely unhelpful response. and, basically, IT IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT!!! if i had done something on your computers that inconvenienced the library in some way, do you think you would turn around and then apply your own “too bad for you” attitude to yourselves?? #$#$# NO!!!! you’d be all over me, wouldn’t you, just like the facist bastards you really are. THESE ARE THE FACTS: I AM ENTITLED (YES, ENTITLED. IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT WORD, THEN DON’T #*$#*$#$ PROVIDE THE PUBLIC WITH $#&%#% INTERNET COMPUTER TIME AS PART OF YOUR @#$##$#& SERVICES!!!) TO ONE HOUR COMPUTER USE PER DAY. THROUGH *NO* FAULT OF MY OWN WHATSOEVER, YOUR SYSTEM STOLE 45 MINUTES FROM THIS TIME. WHEN I ASKED FOR IT BACK, YOU REFUSED, AND TOLD ME THAT, BASICALLY, I WAS UP #$#$ CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE. DO YOU THINK THIS IS FAIR?? DO YOU THINK THAT THIS IS SERVING THE COMMUNITY? DO YOU THINK THAT CLAIMING TO PROVIDE A SERVICE AND THEN TURNING AROUND AND DENYING THAT SERVICE AND THEN TELLING THE VICTIM THAT IT’S PRETTY MUCH HIS OWN #*$#$# PROBLEM IS A PROPER PART OF YOUR MISSION IN THIS CITY AND AN APPROPRIATE USE OF MY TAX DOLLARS?? AND WHY THE ##$#$ DON’T YOU STATE ANYTHING ABOUT USER RIGHTS IN YOUR #$*#$##$ INTERNET USE STATEMENT??? HOW COME IT’S ONLY ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN DO TO PUNISH A USER AND DENY HIM/HER SERVICE FOR USING THE SYTEM INAPPROPRIATELY, BUT SAYS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT THE RIGHTS A USER HAS?? BECAUSE YOU DON’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE USER’S RIGHTS, YOU’RE ONLY INTERESTED IN WHAT YOU CAN DO TO POLICE AND CONTROL AND REGULATE THEM, AND DENY THEM THEIR ALLOTTED TIME AT YOUR OWN WHIM, BUT THEN WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING THAT SCREWS THEM OVER, WELL, THAT’S JUST TOO BAD FOR THEM, ISN’T IT?? IF YOUR %#$%#$#&* COMPUTERS ARE GOING TO CONSTANTLY GO DOWN, WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE THEM?? I DEMAND MY TIME BACK!! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY OUTRAGEOUS!! I AM NOT A WEALTHY PERSON, I DON’T HAVE MY OWN COMPUTER, AND THIS RESOURCE IS ABSOLUTELY PRECIOUS TO ME. YOU HAVE NO #$*#$#$# IDEA WHAT THIS RESOURCE MEANS TO PEOPLE WHO DON’T HAVE THEIR OWN COMPUTERS!!! I KNOW YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO A #$#$# THING ABOUT THIS, MUCH LESS EVEN BOTHER RESPONDING, SO HERE’S WHAT *I’M* GOING TO DO: (AND YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY WANT TO BOTHER READING THIS PART): I AM GOING TO BE A RUDE, SURLY, SLOPPY, ABSOLUTELY INAPPROPRIATE LIBRARY PATRON FOR THE NEXT MONTH, AND MAYBE EVEN LONGER THAN THAT!!!!!!!!! YEPPER, I WILL DELIBERATELY, IRRESPONSIBLY, INAPPROPRIATELY THROW PENCILS, NOTES, AND OLD HOLD SLIPS ON THE FLOOR. I WILL DELIBERATELY RETURN BOOKS TO THE SHELVES IN THE WRONG PLACES (HA HA, ENJOY!!). I WILL MAKE SNOTTY UNSOLICITED COMMENTS WITHIN HEARING RANGE OF LIBRARY STAFF AND OTHER PATRONS THAT DEMEAN SPLs MALFUNCTIONING COMPUTER SYSTEM AS WELL AS THEIR COMPLETELY UNHELPFUL ATTITUDE TOWARDS ITS THEFTS OF USER TIME. I WILL DISARRANGE FURNITURE. I WILL BEHAVE LIKE A PIG IN THE BATHROOM. I WILL DELIVER MEANINGLESS COMMENTS INTO THIN AIR IN A LOUD, DISRUPTIVE VOICE, JUST LIKE ALL THE IDIOTS WHO FLAUNT YOUR NO CELLPHONE POLICY DO WITH THEIR CONSTANT STUPID #$#$#$ CELLPHONE RINGTONES AND CONSTANT #$$%#$# STUPID CELLPHONE CONVERSATIONS (AND HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LAISSEZ-FAIRE ATTITUDE THERE, HUH? IT’S A LITTLE DIFFERENT WHEN THE SHOE’S ON THE OTHER FOOT, ISN’T IT, STALIN???) ALSO, SINCE YOU APPARENTLY THINK I’M SOME KIND OF LIAR WHO IS TRYING TO HOG EXTRA TIME OFF OTHER USERS, THEN I’LL GO RIGHT AHEAD AND BE ONE!! YEP! I AM GOING TO SIT RIGHT HERE AT THIS LIBRARY CATALOGUE WORKSTATION FOR THE NEXT SEVERAL HOURS, DELIBERATELY DAWDLING MY WAY THROUGH PAGES OF INFORMATION I’M NOT EVEN REMOTELY INTERESTED IN, JUST TO KEEP ANYONE ELSE FROM BEING ABLE TO USE IT!! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, HUH? YOU DON’T?? WELL, TOO #$#$# BAD!! I DIDN’T LIKE HAVING 45 MINUTES STOLEN OFF THE TIME I NEEDED TO COMMUNICATE WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND SEEK INFORMATION ABOUT A RESEARCH PROJECT I AM WORKING ON IN CONNECTION WITH MY PLANS TO RETURN TO COLLEGE, BUT YOU DIDN’T GIVE A #$$##$ ABOUT THAT, DID YOU?? YEP!! HERE I AM!! I’M GONNA SIT RIGHT HERE AT THIS CATALOGUE FOR THE NEXT FOUR HOURS, AND HOG UP ALL THAT SWEET RESOURCE TIME JUST FOR ME, ME, ME, EVEN THOUGH I DON’T EVEN WANT IT!! JUST TO PROVE THAT I REALLY AM THE LYING, SLEAZY, LOW-LIFE PIG THAT YOU APPRENTLY THINK I (AND ALL YOUR OTHER USERS TOO) AM!! YEP!! HOURS, BABY!! RIGHT HERE!! ALL FOR ME, ALL GODDAMN DAY LONG, AND MAYBE EVEN TOMORROW TOO!! HAVE A NICE DAY!!

Received: 2008/04/16 15:42:18 Updated: 2008/04/17 11:20:40

 

May 1, MAYDAY, PROTEST !!!!!

While headlines about Miley Who-the-hell-cares Cyrus’ bare shoulder, Britney’s breakdown, American Idol idiots and the Obama/Clinton catfight are all we hear about these days, let’s not forget people are still dying for NOTHING every day in Iraq. Where’s the outrage? Get out and help shut down the docks in Seattle…

WHEN: Thursday May 1 at Noon

WHERE: Jack Perry Memorial Park (between Pier 30 and Pacific Maritime Institute), Seattle

NO PEACE - NO WORK
End the war now - bring our troops home safely
Join workers from the Puget Sound in protesting the war on May 1, International Worker’s Day

The International Longshore & Warehouse Union (ILWU) has called for united labor action on International Workers Day, May 1, to demand an end to the war in and occupation of Iraq. The AFL-CIO, the Washington State Labor Council and a host of national and local unions have long called for an end to this war. The untold billions being spent on the war could instead be used to address our domestic needs. It is working people who pay the cost of the war - in some cases with our lives, but always with our sacrifices.

(Yes. It’s a little late on this posting but I just read my e-mail with the notice today… and I’ve decided I’m going to this protest if for no other reason than to make myself feel like I am not a true sheeple….)

UPDATE: Just got back from 2 hours at the protest and march. Wow! Wow….wow…..What a feeling… to march shoulder to shoulder with thousands of brawny, salt of the earth Longshoremen and other union members, students, grannies, kids, Obma supporters, Nader supporters, Socialists, Anarchists, Immigrants’ Rights groups, even waterfront tourists who joined in and, yes, even some LIBRARIANS… I carried my handmade “Libarains For Peace” poster and I must say I got a lot of attention all things considered. Not to mention it was a very bad hair day, no makeup so of course I had two interviews, one with KIRO and one with FOX.  Oh well.. war is ugly and so is this protester….  The Longshoremen successfully shut down the Port of Tacoma, The Port of Seattle as well as Everett….. And is was NOT an authorized walkout… these dudes walked off their jobs without pay…..  THIS is what the face of America looks like. (Photos to follow)

 

Boys 2 Men

Here’s the truth: I’ve been in love with #1 for over a year and it’s not done a lot for the state of my life. At first it was all very positive. Experiencing his zest for life and optimism was like finding water in the desert after a long unhappy marriage filled with negativity and despair. I lost weight, I had great sex, I bought all new underwear, I felt reborn. Then, as I have chronicled here ad infinitum, the honeymoon ended and #1 let it be known very forthrightly that he is not a one woman kind of guy and he never will be. He disappeared from my life, I fell apart. I couldn’t stand not having him in my life so I decided to accept him as he is and just deal. I still love him, but don’t really know what that means anyway. I think we’re very alike in the sense of being emotionally stifled, self centered, reckless, bad with money and unable to truly bond with anyone other than our children. We’re actually perfect for each other except for that age thing.

Then I meet #2. #2 is the total opposite of #1 on the emotional scale. He wants to bond in a big way. But I’m still attached to #1. #2 makes me laugh a lot and he wants to do things for me. At this point our relationship is pretty platonic. #2 has a medical condition (not a disease) that has been diagnosed as fatal within the next decade. #2 and I share a birthday as well, although he arrived on the planet 11 years later than me. This is the stuff movies are made of I’m sure. I’m just going to let this situation unfold.

What would I do if I was told I only had X number of years to live? Would I live like I do now? Hell no. But we all only have X number of years to live so isn’t there an implied obligation to live the life you want to live? Of course. These are not original thoughts I understand… I do have to look after my daughter and make sure she gets what she needs.. thus, I cannot quit my job and run off to Mexico with #2 at this point. When you add in the current social/political/economic conditions of this messed up country the question becomes even more crucial… what are we staying here for? Maybe I should just take my daughter and go somewhere where life can be better… but then I’d show up and what would really be different? You know the old saying.. no matter where I go I always seem to show up…. For now I am going to put one foot in front of the other. It’s all I can do right now.

Oh jesus fucking christ….. just as i’m writing this at the reference desk who walks in but this shameful one night stand i had last year during a night of heavy drinking and trying to purge #1 from my head….. oh jesus fucking christ… i’m going to be sick…. Bachelor Number Three!!! Vomitous…..

 

Is The End Near?

So I’ve read a few things lately about food shortages in the US, which really aren’t true, but the headlines want us to start panicking for some reason (hmmm… election year, fear mongering, etc.) On the other hand, a part of me believes we should be gravely concerned about the future of the economy here in the land of plenty…. So we are torn between our own cynicism about the news we get and the reality that the economy is tanking… but still we sheeple believe that Big Brother is going to take care of us.

And then there’s the crap hole of crap hole mothers that’s going on in the “god help us” dems little hell-hole… Let’s all lean over and lick our own butts shall we? If Hillary could she would, I’m sure. Just to show the gymnasts of the world how much of a working class ass licker not afraid to embrace scatology biatch she really is…  the Clinton machine is a ruthless, soulless, WMD ..

UPDATE: From AOL’s Finance Page Headlines this morning:

• 2 U.S. Retail Giants Ration Rice
• Panicked Buyers Stock Up
• More Food Rations in the U.S.?
• Woman Run Over for $100 in Gas
• Selling Gold Teeth for Big Bucks?
• Police Arrest 2 for Stealing Sperm

UPDATE 2:  Zogby over at the Huffington Post is soooo right about the Clintons… http://www.huffingtonpost.com/james-zogby/end-it-now_b_98265.html